MY RUDE AND SARCASTIC SIDE (NSFW)

My Rude and Sarcastic Side

Not safe for work (NSFW)

One of my favorite columns in the Orlando Sentinel is the “Ticked off” section. There, readers can put in the things that really tick them off. Unfortunately, they don’t have anyone moderating it so, those posts that are stupid are put out there. I would really like to see someone comment back to some of these readers because some of them are just truly stupid.

I took some of the good ones and placed my own comment on them. I’m sure that some of you have some better ones. I just couldn’t resist these.

I am ticked off that no millionaires have called me to give me a job. Yet, they are the "job creators" according to some.

Perhaps if you had a better attitude, some of them might. You aren’t going to find a job if you think it’s your social right to have one. Shut up and look for a job.

To the person who wants more gun control: Good Lord! I hate people who want to control what everybody else does. What people need is more control over themselves, and we've created an environment where no one is responsible for himself.

Well, gee bubba; perhaps if more people actually had control over themselves, we wouldn’t have needed the gun control laws to begin with. It’s kinda like birth control which your Momma apparently forgot. Stick that in your beer and drink it!

I'm ticked off at photo-enforced traffic lights, and all the arguments for them. I have anxiety attack every time I approach one. I'm worried it's going to turn yellow or that I'm going to go to fast. Nothing ever happens, but I get so nervous and tense and sweaty. Let's just get rid of these things!

Um, you might want to seek professional help honey. Most of us who actually obey the traffic laws don’t sweat unless our AC is broken. There are pills that you can take for your condition. Until then, you may want to get the fuck off the road!

I'm ticked off because I used to be in the military, and now that they have lifted the ban on gays, our military is on a downward spiral. Who wants to shower with someone who might be checking you out?

You know what, people like you that put us in this shit mess to begin with. Bigots have no place in the military. I use to be in the military too. I may have had to group shower once a year and even then, I wasn’t getting my jollies by watching everyone else. And your fucked up attitude about how the military is on a downward spiral is completely wrong and baseless. Nothing says “Bigot” like made up information. Hell, the ban has only been lifted for a couple of weeks.

I'm ticked off that, years ago, I left my husband. Now he has a great wife, and I'm alone. Life isn't fair.

You are right about one thing, life isn’t fair but perhaps if you take your head out of your sorry ass, you’ll see that no one wants to be with a whiner. Besides, you said you left your husband, he didn’t leave you.

I'm ticked off at all the females out there who don't dress decently. Instead, they wear short-shorts and shirts that should be banned in public. This is Florida, not the Devil's residence.

Thanks Mom

I'm ticked off at these "true Christians" who are so gullible, prejudiced, self-serving and two-faced.

They aren’t any of the above, they are just doing what they think is right by forcing the rest of us to endure their stupidity, even if we know they are wrong.

I'm ticked off that I have to drive a 100 miles to Tampa to find a poker game.

Seriously, you need a new hobby and, perhaps, intervention.

When in Rome, do as Romans do. When in Florida, do as Floridians do.

What, live with hurricanes and forget how to drive and count?

I'm ticked off that churches do not pay income taxes.

But then if we made them pay, all of these large, poor churches would go out of business, preventing the spread of God’s word and the world would fall into ruins, You want that? (it’s a joke, get over it)

I think every cemetery should have a section where they bury people who demand smokers' rights.

What the hell are you talking about, smoker's rights? Why don’t you just go back and live under your rock and let the rest of us live in the real world. (I have been dying to say that to someone’s face)

I am ticked off that the people I know who receive food stamps and WIC don't work and then go out to bars four or five nights a week.

Yeah! And they keep having kids and spending your tax dollars too. Let’s make a law that they have to get their tubes tied! (Go back and bitch at your friends or else find some real friends, not the rest of us)

To the person whining about the air conditioning being broken on her daughter's school bus: when I went to school, no bus had air conditioning, so I don't feel sorry for your pampered, little brat.

Well, when I went to school, I didn’t take a bus, I had to walk up hill in 3 feet of snow both ways…all year long. (Geez) Why don’t you both just fuck off!